Scared but not

At the moment I’m working really hard on not letting fear get to me. Basically I’m on the verge of having a total freak out, but I’m somehow managing to keep it under control, which, if you knew me, you’d realise was some kind of wayward miracle.

There’s lots of shit going on that warrants a freak out – a new job, a new way of living, making hard decisions, my first half marathon and of course, the big one: The Women’s Adventure Film Tour. Aaaargh! Help! This is how I look on the outside:

happy-lady-1301190_1280

This is how I look on the inside:

freak out

That’s because I don’t want to see this:

empty theatre

Well, not that I would really see that, because that’s actually the Sydney Opera House, not the Moncrief Theatre, but still, it’s empty and that makes me sad.

I’m scared, but not. The “not” part of that comes from the way I’m choosing to see myself in relation to the fear and the faith I’ve got that everything will work out in the end. I feel like that because I know that worrying about the event won’t actually change the way it all pans out. Worrying about it will make me cranky and that has never helped anyone AT ALL….EVER. In fact, I can recall quite a few times when getting cranky has actually made things a lot worse than they had to be if you can believe that! Yeah, yelling, stomping and throwing yourself on the ground doesn’t work. Not once you’re past the age of two. Letting go of the outcome, but without letting go of the personal responsibility I assumed when I agreed to host the tour has really helped me let go of worry. That means I’m free to enjoy the adventure of being scared but not.

Be scared, but do it anyway