Who are you: 07 41268909

Does anyone know who owns this number? I’d like to find out. I’ve been calling them all morning, but surprise, surprise, they won’t answer. I wonder why?

Maybe it’s because they rang the cool guy I’m married to and left a message on his voice mail that said, “There’s a rumour going around that while you’re away, Jen will play. Watch your back.”

I don’t think they mean the kind of playing that I’m known for, such as walking 25km in under five hours or decreasing my running time over 5km by more than ten minutes. I don’t think they mean how I love live music, vintage clothing or learning new shit. I think they are basic arseholes trying to make my life difficult because for some reason, they don’t like me.

Are they jealous because my husband and I have been married for fifteen years? Are they threatened because I look totally fucking amazing and have a better physique now that I’m in my forties than I ever did, even when I was 22 years old? Are they scared of how smart and articulate I am even though about one third of my brain is missing?

People like these fuckers at 07 41268909 are the scourge of the earth. They’re your basic spineless morons. If they’ve got a problem with me, why don’t they show up here and let me know? You know why, because they’ve got tiny little pea hearts and tiny little pea brains, not to mention that they have no nuts and no spine.

You know, I’d get it if I was an arsehole too, I really would. Sometimes I lose my shit, just like everyone does now and then, but I’m not out there trying to intentionally hurt people by making up stories about others, breaking other peoples’ stuff, stealing stuff, hurting children and animals. I mean, I did actually get nominated for Australian of the Year in 2018. Not that this would mean anything to these particular losers and others like them.

These people exemplify what it means to be a bad person. Only bad people do shit like this. Even if I was having it off with a bunch of dudes, how is a message like the one they left at all helpful? They’ve done it because they have a bunch of anti-values and black hearts…

Anti-Values are values that have a predictably bad outcome. These include dominance, revenge, sadism, ideology, hardness, and exclusivity. Presumably in our primordial past, these anti-values ensured some measure of security and flourishing, but they no longer have a beneficial role in our modern communities.”

Furthermore, how old are they for crying out loud? This is pure high school bullshit. You know, the kind of shit you left behind when you were like 15 or 16 years old. Their emotional intelligence must equal zero. Not much can be said for their level of intellect either, considering they were dumb enough to make the call on their own number.

So, my family and I have been calling it all morning and the dickheads have even answered a couple of times, but when we ask who they are, they predictably hang up.  I’ve gotten a few friends onto it as well and there’s no doubt in my mind that I’ll find out who it is. Once I do, I’m going straight to the cops because I’m not putting up with this kind of shit, especially when I haven’t done anything wrong and the way I live my life is none of anyone elses’ business anyway.

Let me know if you know who this number belongs to:

07 4128909